Bally Awful
by FamilyGuyFanatic
Summary: Blackadder can see that George doesn't look too good, but doesn't ever think that he could be seriously ill. But when George collapses at headquarters, can they find out what's wrong before it's too late...
1. Chapter 1: Poorly

When George awoke, it was still dark. He was used to being awoken in the middle of the night by guns, shells and the odd aeroplane, but it was silent. He soon realised what was wrong, though: he had a stomach ache. Not a normal stomach ache - it was a buring, stabbing pain that only hurt right above his hip, not all over like usual. And it really hurt, enough to make his eyes water. it was confusing, but onme thing was for certain - he felt bally awful.

He didn't know how, but, at some point, he must have fallen asleep, because the next thing George knew, the dugout was filled with early morning sunlight. George rolled over in bed, curling up to cradle his aching abdomen. Shivering, he burrowed down under his dirty blankets, putting his throbbing head under the pillow to block out the early morning sunlight that was invading his sleep.

"It's getting light, so it must be about five - I'll have to get up in an hour." He thought, but despite his discomfort, George managed to drift back off into light and restless sleep. He managed it by telling himself the stomach pains would be gone when he woke up.

* * *

"Lieutenant, it's time to get up." Private Baldrick said softly, shaking George's shoulder.

George didn't respond.

"Lieutenant?"

Captain Edmund Blackadder, who was sat on the other side of their small dugout, had to wonder how Baldrick's smell alone hadn't woken up the sleeping Lieutenant.

"It's time to get up, Sir," Baldrick said, louder this time. This carried on for a few more minutes, and it soon annoyed Blackadder enough to make him wake George up himself.

"George!" Blackadder yelled, loud enough to rouse everyone in the trench and, no doubt, Melchett and Darling at headquarters over thirty miles away. And the young officer jerked awake, sitting bolt upright in bed, before doubling up as his stomach ache returned. If possible, he felt even worse than he did in the night.

"You were meant to be up fifteen minutes ago." Blackadder snapped irritably, "So hurry up and get ready, bloody Darling called, and Melchett wants us up at HQ in half an hour."

"I'm sorry, Captain." George said, sounding surprisingly hurt, as he stumbled out of bed and hurriedly pulled on his uniform. He really struggled to put on his shoes, having to grit his teeth to stop himself screaming, but he eventually managed it.

Blackadder saw that George was very pale and looked like he was in pain, but he was so irritated that he really didn't care, more concerned about what crap Darling was going to tell him and how it could link to his death. It was only when the Lieutenant screwed up his eyes, looking like he was trying not to cry, when Blackadder felt a rare stab of sympathy for the usually cheerful young soldier.

Blackadder tried to hide his sympathy, but spoke to George more softly, "Do you want some breakfast, George, we should still have enough time to get to headquarters?" he asked.

Baldrick, who had just boiled the kettle, appeared behind the Captain, and handed him a cracked mug of tea, before giving another to George. Lifting the mug to his lips with his trembling hands, George took a long, slow sip of tea, grimicing at its foul taste - how did Baldrick managed to ruin somthing as simple as tea? - but relishing the feeling of warmth it gave his freezing body. Taking another sip, George pulled away from Baldrick as the Private thrust a plate of stale bread under his nose.

"No thanks, Baldrick - I'm not terribly hungry at the moment." He said weakly, stomach turning at the thought of eating.

"Well, would you like the bread, sir?" Baldrick asked Blackadder, turning to face his Captain, who was staring into space. "Sir?"

"No Baldrick," Blackadder snapped, "because that bread looks so stale that I'd probably break a tooth if I tried to eat it." He zoned out again, wondering what was wrong with George, for he definatly wasn't himself - he was really pale and wasn't eating, and George was always hungry. But really, he wondered about what was wrong with George not because he was concerned, but because Blackadder hoped that George's strange illness was contagious, because, if he caught it, he might get a stay in the field hospital.

"Sir?" George interrupted him cautiously. "Should we go to headquarters now?"

"Yes, I suppose we have to." Blackadder sighed, and headed over to the doorway. Upon realising that it was raining outside, he doubled back, scowling, and grabbed his raincoat. Once they were all waterproof, they went out into the rain, George lagging behind, and headed off to headquarters.


	2. Chapter 2: Ill

Despite their best efforts, Blackadder, George and Baldrick were totally soaked by the time they reached HQ, causing the receptionist to almost have a fit as they dripped muddy water over the clean, expensive carpet. George felt so cold that Blackadder had to pull rank to make him take of his coat, but, eventually, they were all deemed dry enough to enter the building properly.

As he followed the Captain down corridors and around corners, George slipped a hand inside his shirt and rubbed his sore stomach. It felt very hot and tended to the touch, but rubbing it seemed to help with the pain - at least until Blackadder turned around and he had to wrench his hand free lest the Captain noticed he didn't feel well.

Without knocking, Blackadder barged into the office belonging to Captain Darling Darling looked up, his eye twitching at the sight of Blackadder as it always did, and sighed heavily.

"You're late, Blackadder." He said, smiling as George and Baldrick stood to attention, but scowling as Blackadder didn't.

Blackadder saw this, "I'm not saluting you Darling, because, if it hasn't escaped your notice, we have the same rank, so you are not my commanding officer."

Darling couldn't think of a comeback to that, so he just snapped irritably at the other captain, "Oh shut up, Blackadder!"

"Calm down, Darling." General Melchett said as he strolled into the room, his sudden appearance making Darling jump and them all, including Blackadder - which made Darling smirk irritatingly - , stand to attention, saluting him.

Blackadder, who was standing between George and Baldrick, could hear George's laboured breathing and feel the heat radiating from his body, which meant that he must have been running a fever, but managed to tune it out, reluctantly listening to the General instead.

George, on the other hand, wasn't listening. His stomach was churning horribly, everything ached and the pain...the pain was unbearable. It was as if someone was cutting his insides to pieces with a blunt razor. It took all of his effort just to stay upright.

The General caught sight of George, and just stared at him, taking in his pale skin and flushed cheeks. "Are you alright, George?" He asked.

"Yes, Sir, I've never been better." George replied weakly, a forced smile on his pale face.

The General didn't look convinced, but turned back to Blackadder, who wasn't trying very hard to hide his disinterest in Melchett's random banter. "What've you been doing to your men, Blackadder?" He asked.

Confused, Blackadder replied, "Begging your pardon, Sir?"

"I mean, just look at young George - he looks dreadful!" The General exclaimed.

"The Cap hasn't d-done anything, Sir," George said in a much more high pitched voice than normal, slurring slightly. "I'm f-fine, honestly."

"Very well," Melchett sighed, continuing to brief the Captain about something or other.

It was a few minutes later when George opened his mouth to speak when everything really went wrong. Because, when he did so, he didn't speak - he threw up all over Darling's desk.

"Oh God, that's disgusting!" Darling shrieked, trying to recover his paperwork before it got totally ruined.

At the same time, Melchett cried, "George, are you alright?" as he watched the young officer double over.

George clutched at his abdomen, crying out in agony as the pain overwhelmed him.

"Lieutenant?" Baldrick said uncertainly.

"George?" Blackadder said, sounding neither sarcastic nor sympathetic.

But George couldn't hear them through the sound of blood drumming in his ears. His legs gave way, and George toppled sideways into Blackadder, who grabbed him under the arms and lowered the Lieutenant to the ground. Before anyone could even ask him where the pain was, George passed out.

"George?" Blackadder repeated, slightly more urgently this time. He shook George's shoulders, but he got no response.

Blackadder looked up at Melchett - ignoring the way Darling was glaring at him as he struggled to remove his vomit soaked jacket, a look of disgust on his face, eye twitching like mad - and said, "Sir, he's ill, he needs to go to the field hospital."

Whilst Blackadder was genuinely concerned about George, truthfully, he didn't really think that he needed to go to the hospital - but whenever Melchett called them to headquarters, it was usually for a suicide mission, and Blackadder knew that George being in hospital would give him time to think up a way to get out of it.

"Yes, of course," The General agreed somewhat flippantly, not sounding like he cared as much as it appeared earlier. When Darling, still trying to get his jacket off without touching the vomit, didn't respond, he added, "Get on with it, Darling!"

His eye still twitching, Darling reluctantly picked up the telephone and dialled the number for the field hospital. About thirty seconds later, he put it down and turned to the General. "An ambulance is on its way, Sir,"

"Good,"

"Sir," Baldrick asked Blackadder at a whisper. "Is the Lieutenant going to die?"

Blackadder sighed. "I don't know, Baldrick." He pressed his finger against the side of George's neck and felt for a pulse. It was there, but weak. He had to wonder if what Baldrick said was true, and if, somehow, this was all his fault.


End file.
